Bammers

31 Aug

If you read my blog review on The Auburn Family, you know that I wasn’t an Auburn fan since birth, but my kids sure will be. SEC football is something that you can’t explain until you get down here. It is literally the blood in everyone’s veins, not just a few crazies. Tomorrow is the first game for the 2012 Auburn season and it’s in Atlanta (as if I needed any more signs from the universe telling me that I’m in the right place and city right now) and I am going to take my dear Marta, and cheer the hell out of the game from lower-level real-people seats.

I am officially an Auburn alum going to a game in my new hometown sitting with other alums. Will it be different? Can I not trash talk as much now? Can I not sing the reverse Rammer Jammer? Can I not sing the alma mater at the end of the game? I’m thinking I’m just going to go ahead and do all that stuff anyway. Why? Because I am an Auburn fan through and through, and surely my fellow alums will join me in the banter, pomp and circumstance. War Damn Eagle.

Now on to my point for this Adventures in Martaing blog post.

With all the changes going on in my life recently one thing has stayed the same: I hate Bammers ([BAM-mer] noun, an annoying person who went to the University of Alabama or is a fan of the University of Alabama see: Harvey Updike)

The mere sight of Bammers makes me sick to my stomach. The colors crimson and cream make me feel like bugs are crawling under my skin. I’m often asked, “Well, what would you do if you married a Bama grad or Bama fan?” I simply respond, “I could never love a Bammer.” A friend recently agreed with me on that point. He said he couldn’t connect with someone without sharing the love of Auburn football. This is real life, kids.

Now Bammer love does happen, as evidence of a wedding I went to last weekend. The bride grew up her whole life an Auburn fan, and went to Alabama for a boy (note: said boy is now groom, so that’s good). This rivalry was even mentioned at the wedding CEREMONY. I love the South.

So with the Bammer wedding there were Bammer fans there. They behaved themselves (probably because Auburn grads paid for the wedding, thanks Mr. & Mrs. Savage) and were actually not a bad time despite their incessant need to call me a Barner (well,if Bammers do know how to do something right, it’s party).

But not all Bammers are like that. As evidence of a recent Marta trip.

It was Tuesday and hurricane Isaac was making it rain all the way up in the ATL so on my way out the door I grabbed my rain jacket and my beautiful orange and blue Auburn umbrella.

The actual Marta ride was fine, although I was thinking maybe on a rainy day I should have opted to drive, as the technology may not be advanced enough to handle all this water.

But I safely arrived at Five Points station and started the couple-block trek to Centennial Tower. And it started to rain. So I pulled out my trustee umbrella and opened it.

That’s when the Bammer came out. “THAT IS THE UGLIEST LOOKING THING I’VE EVER SEEN!” says the homeless man beginning to follow me down the street.

I pick up my pace.

“YOU PUT THAT THING AWAY THAT IS THE UGLIEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. PUT THAT THING AWAY!” he says, still following me and an ever-rapid pace.

I get to a corner, and see that crossing the street is an option and quickly change directions to cross the street.

“LAY DOWN, GIRL,” he suggests, “LAY DOWN IN THE STREET AND GET RUN OVER BY A CAR!”

I choose, in fact, not to lay down, and instead begin a full on sprint down the last block to the tower where I work.

Thankfully, Homeless Bammer does not cross the street after me, but his yelling does not stop.

A little startled, but more dry than if I took his advice and put away the umbrella, I make my way into work. A tell two co-workers about the incident. One says, “You should have just hit him with it!” Good suggestion, but possible pending legal suit.

The other says, “You should have asked him what school he went to.”

Great suggestion. I mean, no way he could have really gone to the University of Alabama.

Right?

-gh

PS: awesome hype video: http://www.a96productions.com/2012/08/14/auburn-arise-2012-preview/

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Bammers”

  1. Kaitlyn September 11, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

    Oh, the umbrella incident. CRAZY!!! Glad we didn’t die and you lived to blog about it 🙂

  2. Kristen Peterson September 11, 2012 at 5:52 pm #

    Lol. Great blog GH, I just started following! Auburn fans are just as bad! People never know I secretly grew up favoring Auburn (my grandmother- who my son is named for- and her entire family went to Auburn), but now I am a Bama fan- by way of marriage. I have seen both sides, and both sides are hot headed and downright MEAN!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: